Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end

I don’t know the best way to do this, but I guess if there is any time to do it, now is it.

I know that a lot of you students out there check the journal regularly, and so although this has been a possibility for months, and a reality for weeks, I have avoided posting until now. I have decided to take a leave of absence from work for the next school year. Before anyone gets all in a tizzy (either because you are excited, or less than excited), please know that this was, indeed, a very heart-wrenching decision to make. On one hand, I LOVE what I do at work. I really really do feel as if I make a difference each and every day, and I LOVE my students to pieces. For a long time Scott and I were looking for someone to come in and do in home care for Ben, so that I could return to work, because even though he is doing well, he still isn’t quite yet a candidate for Day Care in any sense. After a while, we didn’t get any leads, and we continued to put out feelers everywhere. Then one day I realized I just wasn’t looking that hard. I realized that my heart is at home with Ben, and even though I always thought I wasn’t the stay at home mom “type”, I realized that there is no other place I wanted to be. I think with a regular kid, I would be able to do my job well and be a mom well, but with Ben I cannot. And so I choose to do one job well, knowing that I am a lucky lucky woman to have a workplace that will allow me to take this time and come back when I am ready.

So what does a leave of absence mean? It means that for the next year, I am formally not employed by the school district at all. It also means, however, that when I decide to come back, I will have a job. Key words being A job…it may not, and most likely will not, be MY job, but I will have a place and I will be able to do what I love, which is teach. With luck, I will be back at Mott, but we will just have to wait and see what awaits me.

If I have learned anything from the past year, it is this: what is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening. Some people call this divine intervention, some people say it is God’s will, some people think it is fate. I toy with each of these ideas and find that it doesn’t exactly fit where I am right now, but I do believe that all of them mean the same thing when you get right down to it: what is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening. I have definitely had moments when I was pregnant when I thought “why me? How will I handle this? I can’t do this!!!!” But, as cheesy as it sounds, it is true that when I met Ben I knew it would be okay. I also had moments of “how will we LIVE if I stay home?!” but as it turns out, we will live, we will be fine, and we will be happy because we know that we are doing what is right for Ben….the light of my life and Scott’s. Every decision I make, as it looms on the horizon, scares me because I am a worrier…I worry about EVERYTHING…I have always been like this, and it is part of what makes me who I am: dedicated, organized, type-A, anal retentive, whatever you want to term it. But I am learning through this experience that decisions are easy when you do what you think is right. When I make the decisions, finally….when we decided to have Ben and go through with the pregnancy, when we decided to bring him home not knowing what would happen, when I allowed myself to realize that I wanted to stay home and that it would be okay because it was right, my worry dissapeared.

I will miss Mott. I moved my stuff out of my room today and it was very very bittersweet. When I look at the arc of my life, such as it is (I’m not THAT old, anyway)…I see how much time I have and how little time I may have for this moment. So you see, what is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening.

Much more later as the journal takes a new turn in the life of Ben.

As they say on NPR, I welcome your comments. 🙂

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17 Responses to “Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Kym and Scott and Mr. Ben, I wish you all well as you begin this new chapter of stay-at-home-parenting. . .a challenging decision but made with your usual grace and dignity. May your good days out-number your bad days. . .and may you have many, many, many days together. Nancy Q

  2. nivahunter Says:

    I’m happy for you, that you are taking more time to spend with little Ben. I wish you the best of luck regarding your leave of absence, and I’m happy that I got to spend time with as great a teacher as you are while you were at Mott.
    -Virginia S.

  3. xosmurfzruleox Says:

    Mrs. Randall,
    i have to say that i definitely admire your coming back for the short time that you did last year. I’m glad that i got to spend the last day of my senior year with you though. =) I mentioned it on the card that we gave you, but – in the two years that i had you, i learned more than just chemistry from you and even though i’m gone and dont really have a say – it’s time for Ben to get that full time attention you gave us. Good for you =)
    Love, Nikki I.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Wonderful News

    It is so great that you’re able to take a year off!
    Not that you won’t be working just as hard at home with little Ben!

    As your other students have mentioned above, you taught all your students about many things, much more than just chemical reactions…and we all thank you for the special attention you paid each of us. High school would have been SO much harder without you. Thanks for being there for me and for so many other Mott students.

    Lots of Love for my three favorite Randalls,
    Jocie Baldwin

  5. purpletoweluser Says:

    Don’t Worry!

    Mrs. Randall, we will all miss you. Obviously Ben loves his mommy very much and is such a lucky little dude to be able to get to keep her home to play with all the time! My mom quit her job with no regrets when she had my brother and I. She’s happy you are able to stay home with Ben.
    Yesterday at senior registration, everyone was sad to hear you wouldn’t be teaching. Mott will miss you, however I think we’ll be able to manage. 😀 If we have any questions we still have your lj (te he he) I guess you’ll just have to stop by the A.P. class on occasion…
    Our hearts go with you. Ben definitely needs his mommy more then any of us. Have fun! 😀

    Ashley Builta

    • coffeemomma Says:

      Re: Don’t Worry!

      I am sure that Mott will struggle on without me. 🙂 haha. I’m not too worried. I’m hoping to tutor this year, so I’ll still be loving chemistry in some way. 🙂 I know that you are all going to do well in the coming year and beyond.

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Mrs. Randall,
    I will miss you so much! No more Nerts 😦 but no thats not why. I was looking forward to being your teacher aid but now you wont be there. However, Ben is way more important. Good luck with everything. I will miss you.
    ~ Christina Colcernian

  7. Anonymous Says:

    Have a great year!

    I’m happy to see that Ben will be able to be at home with you this year. You know what’s best for you, your husband, and Ben. We will all miss you, but we know you are waaaayyyy better off at home with Ben. I hope you have lots of wonderful, fantastic, amazing days with Ben throughout this year, and many more after those. I’ll miss you.
    Chelsea Tegart

  8. dpepsimobil Says:

    Even though you wont be teaching chemistry this year im sure you’ll have just as much fun with Ben. Just kidding. Just keep your periodic table of elements close with you in your wallet and you’ll never be too far away. You will be missed.
    ~Anjelica Jones~

  9. Anonymous Says:

    Bye bye work

    Kim, I’m glad that you made the decision to stay home with Ben and I am especially happy that you are at peace with that decision. You would have been a wreck worrying about him if you had returned to Mott. This way you can enjoy your little boy while your life, and his, continues to unfold. You just never know what will be around the corner – this might be the most blessed year that you have ever experienced.
    ———-
    Love
    Mary Ann

  10. Anonymous Says:

    Hi Mrs. Randall! We miss you already in AP, but Mr. Becker seems to know Chemistry (he says he has 93 college credit hours for Chemistry–I really don’t know what that equates to, but hey it sounds good, right?). I am glad to hear that Ben is doing well and that you are going to stay home with him. I love all the pictures of Ben and now you will be able to take even more of him. Ben is adorable, I especially love the hair!! You taught me a lot last year and I enjoyed your class a lot (and I don’t usually enjoy science classes!). I hope you have a great year off with Ben and your husband.
    -Megan Miller

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