having a rough day

Can’t seem to shake these winter blues. To top that off, Ben was up every thirty minutes from one AM on last night. After I had already gotten out of bed twice, and he started fussing again, Scott shook me to tell me he was up. He has said frequently that I don’t hear Ben when he gets up. Okay, A) Thanks for making me feel like the worst mom ever B) I have already been out of bed twice, there is nothing to do for him. But then, feeling guilty because Scott has to work today and Ben was making it impossible to sleep, I continued to get out of bed.
We have been through this before, and Scott seems to think that we sould feed ben when he wakes up at night. Ben has been going without a middle of the night bottle since he was two months old. I am NOT reintroducing that habit now! AND….I finally changed the diaper at four thirty (this wakes Ben up and is a last resort) and found out that Scott had not put a clean diaper on him before he went to bed (we put a size larger diaper on at night to insure absorbancy….since Ben’s meds make him pee a lot). So this probably contributed to the waking issue too. I am so upset at Scott I cannot see straight.

So Ben gets up, eats (yes, he was really hungry), has half his bottle, spits up, has the rest, sleeps on me for an hour, then as I”m getting ready to eat breakfast, he spits up again. So I give him a bath instead, and clean up baby puke from the entire surface of the high chair and the floor.

The thing that really gets me is that Scott is all about trying to get pregnant again in january or febuary. I am SOOOOO not ready to be pregnant again! I have a baby that can’t do ANYTHING for himself. He’s not sitting independantly, not rolling, and I will probably have to carry him everywhere for an undetermined amount of time. he has outgrown his baby carseat (we are going shopping on monday for a convertible carseat, which will not be removable from the car like an infant seat is) meaning that I have a kid who is not sitting, and can not sit in the carseat in the grocery store buggy. So I can go out with a stroller, but can’t get anything done because if I want to run a buggy, then I can’t have Ben with me. Top all this off with the fact that my back hurts constantly…I am in constant pain from bending, carrying, and lifting my sweet pea and now he wants me to be pregnant too? Let’s not even start on the fact that I’m terrified of being pregnant and either loosing the baby or having another child with a disablity…because that’s too much to go into here.

I went on medication for a low thyroid diagnosed after I had Ben, and that has helped my energy level. My mood however is not improved. And I have not lost any weight…okay, some….but not enough. I went shopping this weekend with some christmas money, and found pretty much nothing that I wanted, nothing that fit, nothing that didn’t show all my bumps. We have a wedding to go to this weekend and I don’t have a dress yet (since none of mine fit) and I can’t find one. AND…all the dresses I look at are sleeveless, yeah, that’s what I want to show off in the middle of winter.

I have had five days of not being solo mom, and apparently it didn’t make a difference because the break did me no good. gotta get this mood improved.


4 Responses to “having a rough day”

  1. purlewe Says:

    I am sending you lots of love and hugs and vibes right now.

    I cannot imagine how trying times must sometimes be for you. The winter is probably not helping, you are right. And I think adding baby horomones on top might be another no-no. But that is just my thoughts. being pregnant in the summer is just miserable. eep.

    I know you’ve been feeling low, and I think writing it out is a big help. keeping it inside just blows. finding clothes ALWAYS blows. finding clothes when you are blue blows CHUNKS.

    I love you SOOOOOOOOO much. I can’t wait to see you in person. hugs.

  2. purlewe Says:

    ps. i never meant that I don’t want you to have as many kids as you want to have. GOSH. thinking back over what I wrote it sounds like I am telling you not to have more kids. NOT WHAT I MEANT. just that it sounds like you are in a funk right now and having another might not make you feel any less funky. *shrug. you know that just b’c I don’t want kids doesn’t mean I don’t want you to not have kids. I know b’c we are friends we understand each other, but sometimes my not wanting kids sets my friends off thinking I don’t want them to have any. NOT TRUE. I just want you to be happy.. and you don’t sound particularly happy right now.. which bums me out.

    I hope you find your happy spot Kym. I can’t wait to see you. call Melon. her laughter always makes things better for me 🙂

    • coffeemomma Says:

      you made me feel better. 🙂 And no, I don’t think you’re telling me not to have any more kids. YOu picked up exactly on what i”m saying…that I want more but I’m in no place to have more right now.


      I”m gonna make it…it’s just been a day.

  3. zoobily_zoo Says:

    Hahaha I sometimes wonder why I didn’t just get a sperm donor…;)

    But anyways, in all seriousness, we just need to get you out. I super appreciate your phone call the other day, you’re one of five that has RSVP. I was giving Tristan a breathing treatment and then the Benadryl made him Satan like.

    If you are still dress hunting I have a TON of skirts and shirts that you are more than welcome to try…but I haven’t given you much time.

    By the way, Wednesday or Thursday would be good. We’ll just have to work out details after the weekend. 🙂 Have fun at the wedding!!

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