Bits and pieces

I suspect that over the next few weeks (or months) I will occasionally (okay, often) be posting some posts that will make you think…”hmmm, that made no sense at all”. They are just bits and pieces. Things I want to share that don’t really justify an entire blog entry. Or sometimes they are so off topic that although they do take up an entire entry, that entry really makes no sense at all. You’ve been warned.

I don’t really know right now what I am supposed to do. Before you tell me that I don’t have to, or to do what feels right, I have to tell you that I’m doing those things. I’m making coffee and drinking it. Laying on the couch sick (you? who came to the funeral home and got my father in law, an aunt and uncle, two cousins and I all sick because you didn’t wash your hands? yeah, we’ll have words later…). I’ve been deciding what stuff I can go through of Bens, and what stuff I can’t. We ordered thank you cards. I play with Toby, and play and play because that is the best part of my day. But there are long stretches of time when I sit and stare, or walk around my house and straighten things up. I think about what I should do and can’t (laundry). Or I just cry. I don’t know how to make this stop, or I would.

The social worker from hospice came out today and spent some time with Scott and I, which was wonderful. She talked to me about preserving Ben’s smell…putting some of his clothes in a ziplock baggie. I am actually going to do this. We talked about other couples who have gone though this, and she said there are a few that are willing to talk to us when we’re ready. I’m so in awe that people could do this, talk to newly grieving parents. Because right now I can’t ever see a time when I could do that and not use it as a therapy session for myself instead of listening to someone else.

I am so thankful that I can be present with Toby, and play with him and not be sad. He makes me so happy…and I”m so glad that he is young enough to be spared the pain of losing his big brother. Because I don’t know that I could navigate this path and help him find his way too.

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6 Responses to “Bits and pieces”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Children

    ..I have to tell you …after spending time with Toby earlier this week ..I have now fallen completely and utterly in love with him .He is more precious than words can say ..Ben stole my heart along time ago and that will never change..You make great babies !!!!!.. Love you ..trish xo

  2. Anonymous Says:

    hugs

    I’m at a loss for words, but please know I am thinking of you and your family. Hugs.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    hugs

    I’m at a loss for words, but please know I am thinking of you and your family. Hugs.

    xo Rebecca

  4. Anonymous Says:

    hope

    sending bushels of sunshine and love. we miss you all and think of you always. take care of each other. jody and co.

  5. Anonymous Says:

    It makes sense Kym. Hang in there we are all here to help if we can, don’t forget to ask. I suspect that talking to newly grieving parents *is* a therapy session for the other parents as well. Sharing your experiences is this best way to come to terms with them. Love you all very much, Monique

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Yes, yes!

    Staring out the window. Wondering what to do. Not making much sense. I remember it all and I still do it sometimes. I am grateful you have support, that you have Toby, and that you and Scott can somehow lean on one another. I believe the Spirit of God/Universe/whatever Name is with you. And much love and many prayers are, too, including mine.

    Carol

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