Toby started grabbing things this weekend…at first we were wrapping his fingers around a toy, but pretty soon if we touched the toy to his fingers he would do it himself. Moving a toy to his mouth quickly followed. He has a beautiful wood teething toy that we got from a friend when he was born, and it is one of his favorites so far. There are pictures at the end here.
Additionally, I read something this weekend that said “your three month old may be able to sit if supported by pillows”…and I thought “hmph…well, what do you know”…and sure enough Toby has been sitting for short periods on the couch and supported by the boppy. You will see pictures of this too, but in the boppy pictures he refused to look at the camera…that’s because the cat was near, and he was pretty fixated on the cat. I’ve decided that cats make GREAT toys for kids…at least until the kid figures out how to get the cat, at which point I’m sure disaster will ensue. *edit* If you look at the picture, you will see the Cat in the background…so he’s fixated on something else completely. Real observant, mom. 🙂

I took Toby to library storytime today. It was the first time I had been too, since storytime always conflicted with something Ben and I were doing. That and I never knew which one to go to…birth to walkers? He was older but not walking…walkers? Well, he wasn’t walking but those kids were the same age. So it was confusing. I have some observations on storytime. On the whole we had a good time…Toby slept for the first half, but then woke up and had fun with bubbles and looking at the other babies. One thing I really really was disappointed by was how, well, reserved and kind of boring the librarian was that ran the whole thing. I really really missed the teacher at Ben’s school that always runs circle time. I wanted to stand up and say “get excited! Shout! Sign! Call kids by name, interact with them!” But she had a plan, and rushed right through it. Part of that is me talking as a teacher, but part of it is me really really missing Ben’s teachers. Occasionaly the early intervention group runs programs at the library, and I plan on going if I can. Those people are just much more fun.

After the storytime, there is some open playtime. Three of us there had babies that were two or three months old, the other two were first time moms. One of them was very intent on telling us all the things her baby was doing. The baby really looked unimpressed and had some mystery gunk running from her eye the whole time…she seemed embarassed for her mom. Mom tried to put baby on her tummy, insisting that they had been doing tummy time since birth (she probably would have said they had been doing it in the womb if she thought she could get away with it). I know that it sounds snarky for me to put it this way, but I really really wanted to just tell this woman to relax, that her daughter was beautiful and would do everything in good time. I have learned so many lessons from Ben, and one of them is to just RELAX.

I was talking to the other mom of an under-three-monther, and we were talking about sleep and schedules and the like (overacheiver mom said she had trained her two and a half month old to be awake during storytime every monday. Good for her)…I was editing myself very heavily because as a second-time mom, I wanted to just say that all kids are different and that sleep schedules come eventually…along with all the other developmental milestones. I really didn’t say much, because it was hard not to say “well, my older son…” I shouldn’t have bothered, because eventually the woman I was talking to asked me if this was my first child. I stammered for a minute then said really fast “Ihadanothersonbutmyfirstsonpassedaway”. Then the uncomfortable silence fell, and I thought “uh-oh, say something fast, because you are now the mom of the dead child”. It was very awkward. But I changed the subject and things went back to normal again in good time. I know that these moments are going to happen, but I am still very unsure how I will handle them. So when I get “the question” now (do you have other children, is he your only one, is he your first one), I don’t know how to answer. I know that one day I will have a better answer that will not be awkward and will not cause me so much pain, but right now is too soon. It’s just another day missing my Ben.

Checking out the scene
Sitting up like a big boy.
Keeping my balance
Sitting on the couch

smiling and grabbing
Toby and his chewie

Toby, 3 months
My big boy

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11 Responses to “Grabby”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    hehehe…in that second pic, he looks like he’s planning something eeeevil.

  2. Anonymous Says:


    So…the “sitting on the couch” picture totally makes him look like Jean-Luc Picard!

    DO NOT let him fire the photon torpedoes!



  3. Anonymous Says:


    adorable photos of Toby. I have been thinking of you…

    many hugs


  4. Anonymous Says:


    I REALLY encourage you to ask if this particular librarian does all of the babytimes, or if other librarians rotate. If she is the only one, keep in mind she may be new and it can be intimidating at first to try to impress adults and babies at the same time 😛

    I would also totally suggest you check out storytimes at other libraries. Some are not so far from W. Bloom (though I don’t know exactly where you live).

    Loving you and the Big Boy,

    P.S. BIG NEWS: I will soon be the Full Time teen librarian at Dearborn Heights Public Library! Finally full time – only had to pay my part time dues for 2 yrs!

  5. xosmurfzruleox Says:


    i love that third picture. he looks like such a happy beautiful baby! =)

  6. Anonymous Says:

    What to say, and how to say it.

    For some reason (and this might go back to the previous post,) while in SC this past weekend I had a day where Ben was in my mind all day long. This made me a very quiet person on the golf course that day, and I just didn’t want to explain myself to everyone else. These days happen, and all of us will just have to deal in our own ways.

    As for the “is this the first” question, I usually respond, “Have 2 grandchildren, have 1.” Let them figure it out.

    Grandpa C. (not w/spit-up on him.)

    • hunterholstein Says:

      Re: What to say, and how to say it.

      Oh, I can’t believe Grandpa was in the state and didn’t call Auntie Melon! I’m only 3 hours or less from every point in the state. I guess I’ll get my fill next month.

      I hope Toby likes hugs and kisses, because I have lots waiting for him! He is so awesome!

  7. zoobily_zoo Says:

    It doesn’t sound snarky. I would love to be a fly on the wall when she has a second child and it turns her world upside down; proves everything she thought she knew wrong. It’s not her, I don’t know the woman. It just cracks me up when people don’t take their children’s personality into consideration and give themselves all the credit.

    Wow, rereading that I realize that maybe I don’t do well with females because I’m a brat.

  8. Anonymous Says:

    Answers to difficult questions

    Kim, I learned a long time ago (and so did you if you think about it) to answer all questions truthfully. “Jamie has Parkinson’s Disease. He has had it for a long time,” became practically a mantra. JJ and Linda were forever telling me that it was nobody’s business – but I felt better getting the question answered and moving on.

    When Jamie died, the mantra changed to “Jamie died in Novemenber. He had been very ill.” When the response became automatic, it was easier for me.

    Ben was your first child, Toby’s older brother. So developing a mantra like, “Toby had an older brother with Downs Syndrome and very severe heart problems. He died Feb. 14,” may leave other people stunned – but other people are not your problem. They may ask you more questions or they may not. You have answered truthfully – and it is time to move on to other topics (or not).
    Mary Ann (Hope we can get together some time next week – it’s going to be a heavy lambing week so it might be best to meet at my house again)

  9. Anonymous Says:

    Just wanted to let you know that we’re thinking about you and were so happy to see you at Easter!!!!

    We love you!
    Aunt Chris, Uncle Pat , Tiff/Derrick and

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