Or, if you are a fan of other 70’s Rock songs, we could call this page "Time Passages"

I’m writing today a post that (judging by the feeling in my stomach) will be more difficult that I thought it would be. Here goes.

I’m moving my blog. I may continue to post pictures of Toby here, but writing on this blog will be either severely curtailed, or stop entirely, starting now. I’m not leaving blogging, I"m simply moving to another blog platform. There are two main reasons for this, which I want to share with you.

First, and this is the least important of the two…I have found over the past two and a half years that I really enjoy blogging. A lot. I have always liked to write, and publishing on the internet has been a lot of fun. It’s an instant way to record thoughts; faster than writing, more immediate-feeling. And though I have really loved writing about the boys, there is so much else going on in my life…the knitting, the crafting, things I see and hear on a daily basis that I want to comment on. If you know much about blogging, you know that Live Journal is really a community site. You can interact with a lot of people…but as far as starting a blog and joining the blogging community, it is low on the list of places to do that. There are other blogging platforms (like blogger, which isn’t really a fancy place, but will do the job) that will provide me with a way to be a bigger part of the blogging community out there. I love to read blogs…but I don’t comment much. I want to change that and become more a part of the online communities out there. I have some secret hopes, also, of looking for ways to take my writing a little more seriously. I have received some very lovely complements about my writing on this site, and someday I would like to do something with it. I think that writing and exposing my writing a little more will provide me with some nice feedback and comment from people outside my immediate circle. Maybe explore some places and ways to get my writing out there a little more and get some feedback on ways to improve.

Secondly…most importantly….this really is a blog about Ben. I have really tried to refrain, in the past two and a half years, from posting things off-topic, and to a large degree (with a few exceptions) I have succeeded in this. My decision doesn’t mean I’ll never write about Ben again, nor does it mean that writing about Toby isn’t something I’ll ever do again…it just means that there are lots more things I’d like to explore. I don’t feel right about doing that here…It’s Ben’s place, Toby’s place…not a place for me to write about the election (although I did already do that) or fall colors or knitting. It doesn’t feel right when I’m off topic.

My stomach is in knots because making this decision feels, in some small way, like leaving a part of Ben behind. I don’t plan on deleting this journal, and I plan on backing it up because I want to have these memories forever. Memories that aren’t filtered through the lens of grief or time. But it’s sad to move on. I have never been good at it.

If you visit my "new" blog, you will see that there are already entries there. They are a bit personal…I used this blog to write about some pretty dark days after Toby was Born and after Ben died. But you will see that there are few entries. I have tried for awhile to keep two blogs, and as the number of entries on the other will attest to, I failed miserably. I wanted a place to post things that were not Ben-related. Things that I was, honestly, kind of afraid to post. I realize now that although some of those posts are raw, they are also very honest and represent a very real time and real feelings. It’s okay to put those out there. I don’t know why I can post so honestly about Ben and his health and life and death and be afraid to put myself out there in the same way, but it is harder.

As for Toby, I plan on writing about him on the new blog as well. He’s a huge part of what is happening in my life, obviously, and his milestones are no less important than Ben’s. But if I want to write about life, I want to write about my whole life…

So update your bookmarks, readers. A new day is coming. As a kick-start, I’ve undertaking something truly fun (read: crazy and insane). I will be participating in National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo), which encourages bloggers to post every day for a month. It takes place in the month of November. It’s a challenge, to write every day. Even when I kept a written journal I didn’t always write every day. But I want to get this started, so I"m giving NaBloPoMo a shot. For those of you who have known about my other spot on the internet, it’s back so check it out again. You can leave comments, and read, just like here. It’s just a step in a new direction. I hope you’ll check it out.

2 Responses to “Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes…..”

  1. purlewe Says:

    I am glad you are making changes that work for you. Good!

    Please do come back here tho. I mean my LJ is my private blog. where only people who know me read. My public blog on typepad is for others and my mother to read (very specific that) I would hate to lose your voice on some private stuff. since you and melon know me better than most anyone and can give me true real advice/bitchslaps when I need them.

    love you!!!

    • coffeemomma Says:

      yeah, that’s partly why I”m not deleting this….because I follow some people and communities on here and want to continue that. So I’ll still be around, don’t worry. 🙂

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